When I had Samira, I got myself a few books on parenting. These books talk about how to be a good parent, raise a great kid, be their friend, make them listen to you and so on. I bought them because I don't think I'm a good parent. I am not a good person to begin with nor good daughter to my parents.
When I look back how I spent my childhood, I'm quite blessed. I was born as a person who don't blend in well with the society. I have outgoing personality and yet an introvert. I had always wanted my own friends but I don't have any gang or group. I'm more like a lone ranger/ group-hopper who hop from group to group. I can go along with the good kids, active athletes, nerds etc. At the same time, I don't belong anywhere. I tried hard trying to blend in , to belong somewhere but failed hopelessly.
Now, I am married with a daughter and six-months pregnant. I wish my children don't have to go through what I did. I hope they are smarter in handling any situation and make better decisions than I do. When I met my husband, despite who he was and is now, I feel that his better judgement , courage and street-smart skills would be better for our children. I always made silly/ foolish/ too emotional decisions. I always make mistake and rarely learn and easily forget too.
I want my children to be safe and know how to take care of themselves. They could grow up, make friends but at the same time could make objective decisions based on their beliefs, religions and moral values. I wish I could teach them how to stand back and keep trying when they fall. I wish they are better Muslims and I'm trying to improve myself. There's so much that I want for them.
I pray that I still have time to be a good parent. I cried every time I see Samira got hurt or cry. I couldn't prevent anything from happening to her. I just hope that I could guide her so that she knows how to deal with things that will hurt her. I want to see her going through this life safely and wisely.
I know that I'm not alone in this. I have my husband, my parents and family members to walk with me along this path.
I thank God for giving me the chance and pray hard that I will not messed up. Amin.
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