I wonder why? #012

I'm 37 weeks pregnant and surprisingly I feel like being sexually active. However , the other party doesn't seem to understand my needs at all. I was wondering whether he is worried that I might get tired or he might hurt the baby. I tried to pray more and read more to divert my mind onto other things but the feeling keep on coming back.

Honestly, I am feeling tired all the time. I have tonnes of work to complete before I could peacefully take my leave and give birth to a healthy & happy baby. I am too worried that my feeling would affect my baby inside the womb. For all mothers, I think everyone want their baby to turn up to be a fine young man or young lady innate with all the nice & sweet things.

I read in some of the books on pregnancy, it is encouraged for the mothers to do good deeds through out the pregnancy to ensure that the child will follow suit. I really hope that God will forgive me for my ill-mannered mind and bless me with another amazing, smart, faithful, and well-mannered child.

please God, I'm really sorry (T_T)

food craving ? #11

Even during my first pregnancy I don't crave for any specific food. I do feel the urge to eat some food that I'm used to eat in my hometown but apart from that I don't have any other problem. In fact, through-out my pregnancy, I tend to dislike the food that I always eat before I got pregnant. When I was having Samira, I loathe fast food. I got nausea by just seeing the logo , advertisement or pass by in front of the outlets. Ironically, a day before I gave birth to Samira, I had few slices of pizza from Pizza Hut!! ^_^

For my second baby, I got a terrible and continuous morning sickness up until now. I vomit if I ate and still vomit when my stomach is empty. I vomit after drinking milk and after taking up the supplement given by the doctors. I sleep for really long hours to comfort myself. I feel horrible and couldn't be bother to take care of myself or how I look. (T_T)

Only after I hit 32 weeks or 8 months I feel much better and even cook my own meals for dinner. Earlier on, the smell of rice being cook already made me vomit. I love drinking lychee and longan drinks. I hate hot drinks except when my stomach really hurts.

27 days to go #10

I haven't been writing for quite sometime. Was tied up to few things since the beginning of school holiday till the school opened again. I have started working 3 weeks already.

Currently, my baby is 36 weeks old inside my womb. Feels like I just got pregnant and going through the morning sickness stage. I remember vomiting endlessly, losing my appetite and even losing myself! I also remember how stressful I was when my husband suggested that maybe I should deliver our second baby in his hometown and stay there during confinement. I was really depressed.

I guess I knew how my husband felt whenever I insisted on going back to my parents' house. Same way like how I felt when we went back to his. We came from different family background and it is not easy to just assimilate everything and feel like you belong there too. That's why when he wanted to spend his whole Eid Mubarak break in his hometown I simply agreed. I want to make him happy.

I tried to fulfill his demands except on few things. He wants a baby boy and up until now, we don't know the gender of our baby. Again, I feel pressured. What if the baby isn't a boy? Is he going to accept the baby too? He is really amazing at criticizing and making people feel bad about themselves. Yes, for me, my husband is like that. Now, he made me feel worst about myself for not giving him what he wants - a baby boy. He kept on joking about finding new wife who could give him baby boy and so on.

Just to make the situation even 'better'... he wasn't the only one demanding for it. Seems like the whole family are expecting a male heir to their family. I wanted to run away from him at that time.

Time passes by and there are another 27 days to go before the arrival of my second baby. I did some shopping for the baby... mostly on clothing, bedding and blankets. I'm trying to give birth naturally this time. I have to undergo C-sect during Samira's. Hopefully this time, I got lucky. ^_^